Let’s talk about it…
To accommodate some changes, I will be posting blog posts on Sundays from now on.
I wish I had an idea of where this blog will end up, but honestly, I don’t know. This has resulted in some difficulty in deciding what to write. When I initially started this blog, it was very therapeutic for me and I definitely needed it. I think with the way things have gone with the pandemic, I have lost the zeal for writing.
My goal is not to be Instagram-famous but to share my life and the things I love – like fashion and music – but ultimately, my goal is to help someone. From some of the feedback I have received from readers, I know it has impacted a few and for that, I am grateful.
This post is starting to sound like a goodbye post; that is definitely not what this is. It is just a post giving a heads-up if you start to see things change on here. I am honestly just trying to figure this out. Geez, I can be so long-winded sometimes.
***As I sit here writing this, my baby girl, Skye, is snuggled up right next to me on the couch. She never leaves my side.***
I want to talk about faith today…but I really don’t want to. This has been a topic on my blog post ideas for the longest; however, it is not an easy thing to talk about. I know no other way than to give it to you straight: I have been struggling with my faith lately. Y’all, it is so easy to have faith, be hopeful and to believe when things are going well and as expected. However, when they aren’t or you are in a period of waiting, one gets weary.
I don’t talk about the pandemic much in general, but I really do think the pandemic has played a huge factor in this. I am going to be bold and say that every Christian I know has struggled with faith during this last year. Our plans, dreams, hopes have all been delayed or altered due to the pandemic. We are socially distant from the people we love and our routines have changed. All of these could affect one’s faith.
I don’t think anyone believed the pandemic would last this long. During this past year, my faith has varied drastically. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was at an all-time high. I had so much faith and despite the changes, I was hopeful. Toward the end of the year, I had so many things hit me at once that I started to doubt completely. This is when it is handy to have a strong tribe. I was able to go to my tribe for some reassurance, uplifting support and prayer. It did not immediately change my situation, and honestly it has not completely turned my situation around, but I do believe it prevented me from going deeper into the doubt.
Probably up until this week, I had stopped talking to God consistently. I would say some prayers here and there, but I was not spending time or reading my Bible. You may ask why…. I’ve been asking God for some specific things in my life and they are yet to come to pass. Do I think they will? Yes, I do; however, this waiting period is HARD and I’ve gotten weary.
Let me make sure to clarify something. I am actually in a REALLY GOOD place in my life. I am HAPPY, BLESSED and I’m living a life that I’ve dreamt about for years, but that does not mean I don’t have other desires. Please believe I do, and I think I will always have desires of the heart no matter where I find myself in life.
Anyway, something shifted in me this week. I began to listen to gospel music and read my devotional which I had not done consistently in weeks. I also started to take some time out in the morning to pray. My circumstances have not changed but I am happy to be back on track with God.
Sometimes I find myself having to be strong when I go to God, pretending that my heart’s desires are not that important, but I have learned over the years that He can handle my raw feelings, which is what I have been sharing with Him again. I do not have anything drawing me to spend time with God or read my Bible consistently, and honestly? A lot of the time, I don’t feel like it. I would rather snooze, but I have learned in life that it is not about my feelings. My feelings are always going to change. There are some things in life that I have to do regardless of how I feel and this is one of them.
I need to make this a routine and habit and I know that it will stick. I am believing that nothing is wasted with God. My time is not wasted. My energy and efforts are not wasted. My tears are not wasted with God. I am here to encourage you today that whatever you are trusting in God for or waiting on Him to do, don’t lose faith. Keep showing up. Keep showing up like you do for that job despite hating it. Keep showing up like you do to the gym, dragging and complaining but when you are done you are so glad you went. I want to believe that is how God will meet you at the point of your needs. You may kick, scream, cry, whine, complain and not believe in the beginning, but on the other side of this desire, He will show up and show out. What other option is there?
Please let me know if you need someone to stand with you in prayer or just be a listening ear. I am here for it! We can encourage each other on this journey of faith.
Till next time.